The Sky is Everywhere

The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson is a book that I had my eyes on quiet a while. My parents eventually bought me the book as a Christmas present. Thanks! I'm really happy that I got it, as well as another book by this author. It's the first one on the list of my January TBR.

Lennie lost her only older sister, Bailey. She's still adjusting to being an only child which isn't as easy as it seems. Sleeping alone in their room, seeing her things, reminding herself to old conversations they had, don't do any good to Lennie's loss. She feels as if she's abandoned by yet another person. 
Together with Bailey's boyfriend, they seek peace and comfort. Toby gives her that calmness, the feeling that she's not alone and for a moment it's all she wants. That until a new boy in town gets on her way and makes her feel a lot more. More than grief, sadness and loneliness. He makes her forget, even for a moment. Although Lennie struggles with that, she can also find peace in moving on. Two boys, 1 future but who'll it be?

I was really excited to read this book and it met so many expectations! I liked Lennie so much, the grief she's feeling while still holding on to every last memory of her sister. Throughout the book we also see these memories and past conversations that Lennie scribbles down on paper she finds on her way to wherever she's going. That's something I loved about this book because we could see the scribbles in the margins and find the story behind it. It really made you feel like you were a part of it, like it was something you needed to complete the puzzle. With every paper and poem there was a description on where it was found and at the end of the book we'll get to see why it's written by it.

I sometimes was really moved with memories she told us but sometimes confused too. Her story suddenly went over to the present and sometimes I didn't see that transition. That's really too bad because that made it harder to read for me. It doesn't mean that I didn't like it because I obviously loved this book, but I do wish sometimes the transitions were clearer.

Bailey's boyfriend, Toby is a whole different kind of feeling. I don't really know if I should hate him or like him but for me it was already clear I didn't want Len to end up with him. Somehow it just didn't fit. He wasn't like her but I did like to see them go from a dark place to a brighter one with the sky around them, together. Their final part together was also very special! Throughout the story Toby reveals a lot of things to Lennie that leave her both shocked and more alone. I was shocked myself, and felt really sorry for Len because in the end if he didn't tell her, she'd never have known. 

As for the new boy in town, God I just loved that one! He has so many similarities with Lennie and he was such a romantic, which could be a little cliche when you know where he has lived. But that aside this character really was the one for me! He didn't drown Len in more 'I'm sorry for your loss' which I think did help her figure things out. I don't want to spoil a lot about him because I think it'd be more pleasant for you guys to discover him all by yourself. 

This book wasn't all focused on the whole love situation. It really did capture the feeling of loss and grief but also the many consequences of it. The not talking anymore and the hiding from everyone you loved. So more the pushing away and trying to give it some space, to accept. I think it really gives you some insight in how it really must feel for that person to lose someone that important. 

The grief and sadness was very often switched with the romance part but also with the family part! The many questions Lennie had according to another family member that has abandoned her, give you a good variety on the whole sadness and loss part which I find really good. Otherwise it would've been a very sad book but that's absolutely not the case! 

At the end I did want more closure because I find it that there wasn't a real finale to the book. And I did wish to know more about some things Len wrote or how everything ended up later on with the characters. But this is very personally, it's known that I really want closure after every story! ;) 

Overall this book was a fantastic and realistic read about a girl finding peace and comfort in all different kind of ways. It captured certain emotions and personally I really longed for the romance that tore away the sadness. Don't think this is an all emo-type of book because it really isn't! It's all about the accepting of the loss and finding new things to be happy about, without having to feel guilty about it. It's okay to accept and find new things that bring you joy, that's what life is all about and Jandy Nelson really showed me this in the story! 



"If anyone asks where we are, just tell them to look up."

TBR of January

First of all I want to wish everybody a happy (late) new year! I hope this year will bring you both joy and happiness, a good health and I hope all your dreams may come true! And of course, why not wish a year full of books?! 
With Christmas passing by and New year that just happened, I got some new books. I still have around 10 books to read and I already pre-ordered other books. Anyone who might be on Goodreads knows that there is a 'book challenge' and also this year I'm participating. 

Last year I said I'd read 20 books because I just started to enjoy reading again and who knows, maybe it was just a bypassing hobby? But it wasn't! So I went up to 40 books and at the end of 2015 I read 65 books. This year I'll start with 30 books because I feel like this year will be very busy. We'll see where it'll be heading? What about you guys, how many books would you like to have read at the end of 2016? 


The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson 

The first book that I'll read in the year 2016 is The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson. I really wanted this book so badly! The cover is stunning and the Dutch hardcover even has a special feeling to it! Sadly, there are no hardcovers with this cover but I really wanted to read the book in English. I already started in this book and to be fair, I don't mind that it's not a hardcover. I'm enjoying this book a lot! And it's also very 'floppy' so easy to read. For the people who don't understand what I mean with floppy, the book'll just lay open without you having to hold it open... Does that make things clearer?So thanks mom and dad for the present!

Basically it's about a girl that has lost her sister and is grieving. She finds comfort with her sister's boyfriend but on the other hand, the new boy in town brings her something else she needs. She's torn between those two boys and her own sadness that she doesn't know what to do.

I'm also already picking a side. Does anybody have that too? When there are two boys involved, you pick a side and hope they'll end up together but then might change your mind because why not? For me it won't be the sister's boyfriend... It's not that I don't like him because what I can see now, they really find comfort with each other which I think is what they both really need. The new boy though, has something special that I can't describe yet. But I'm really curious how this story will develop itself! 

Deity by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Next on my TBR list is the third book in the Covenant Series. I've been putting it on hold for a long time and I honestly don't know why. It may be because I feel I'll be torn in this book between two boy sides.

This series is about gods and goddesses and an extraordinary girl. And as in every book there is the boy she loves but can't have! 

I don't want to talk about it too much because it's the third book and it'll spoil so much! I do have a review on the first book which you can find here: Half-blood. I recommend the series and to be really honest, I recommend almost every book by Jennifer L. Armentrout because they're always thrilling, they have romance and funny bits in them. Her writing style is very fluently and I never manage to put the book down once I start in it! 


End of Days by Susan EE
I uploaded a review on the second book in this trilogy two days ago. And this month it's time to say goodbye to this series by reading the last book. I hope it'll be good but I think it'll be even better than that! I enjoyed the first book a lot because of the characters really.

The characters aren't helpless in this angel apocalypse. For example the main character, Penryn, she's strong and knows how to handle all sorts of weapons. She'll go to the end of the world to find her sister and there isn't a moment where she stops and cries. She goes out there, steps into war to go find Paige because she means everything to her. It's thrilling and mind blowing! 

The second book was even better than that, because there were still developments in the way the characters behave which I was very fond of! So, very curious to were this ending will lead... I've got all sorts of hopes and dreams according to this book!  

Bloodlines by Richelle Mead

Another present, one that I got from my niece! I've never read any books by this author but I have heard really great things about her. If I'm not mistaking, she wrote Vampire Academy and those books have already been recommended to me. 

I don't really know what to expect from it because I have a feeling this is about vampires and I've never read any book that had vampires in it. This is what the back says: 

Sydney's blood is special. That's because she's an alchemist - one of a group of humans who dabble in magic and serve to bridge the worlds of humans and vampires. They protect vampire secrets - and human lives. But the last encounter Sydney had with vampires got her in deep trouble with the other alchemists. And now with her allegiences in question, her future is on the line.

When Sydney is torn from her bed in the middle of the night, at first she thinks she's still being punished for her complicated alliance with dhampir Rose Hathaway. But what unfolds is far worse. Jill Dragomir - the sister of Moroi Queen Lissa Dragomir - is in mortal danger, and the Moroi must send her into hiding. To avoid a civil war, Sydney is called upon to act as Jill's guardian and protector, posing as her roommate in the unlikeliest of places: a human boarding school in Palm Springs, California. The last thing Sydney wants is to be accused of sympathizing with vampires. And now she has to live with one.

The Moroi court believe Jill and Sydney will be safe at Amberwood Prep, but threats, distractions, and forbidden romance lurk both outside - and within - the school grounds. Now that they're in hiding, the drama is only just beginning.

So yes, I'm looking forward to read this book! Mostly because it's something 'new' and something to be excited about. 
And for the moment these are the only books that I'll start in January. I don't know how busy this month will be but if it's calm (which I'm hoping on) I'll read: Finding Sky by Joss Stirling, Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and another book by Jandy Nelson but only if there is time for that!

Life of Pi

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to write a review on this one but then I was like why not? So here I am! And this review is about the book that is a major hype: Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I don't really know what to think about the book to be honest.

Piscine Molitor Patel, also known as Pi, is a Tamil boy from Pondicherry. He explores different cultures and issues of spirituality and practicality from an early age. His father is a zoo owner and he always loved the animals. When his parents decide they're going to move across the world, they sell their business and transport animals to another zoo by boat. 
Pi survives 227 days after a shipwreck while stranded on a boat in the Pacific Ocean with a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. This is his story...

So to be really honest, I didn't want to start this book. I have to read it for school and make a task. And as every book I need to read for school, they just aren't my thing. The genres that they want us to read are genres I absolutely don't like. I don't know why they keep doing it but they make sure that a reader starts hating to read. 

That said, I started reading it. I still don't know how to feel about the story. I didn't like it, I liked it? It's kind of a mixture, because I do feel appreciation for this book in some sort. In the beginning I didn't like it, at all. I couldn't connect with the character. I didn't always understand what he was trying to tell me. 

As we get to see more of his childhood, we see that Pi is very open for other cultures and other believes. He believes that there is a God. He starts checking out all sorts of different believes. That part I found really interesting, nowadays a lot of teens don't believe. Even kids don't believe but Pi was so focused on it and he really believed in it. It gave you no other choice than to believe a little with him. 

Then there followed a part that for me wasn't always clear and made it confusing until the part when they were on the ship. He explains a little bit when he's on the ship but the story developed really fast to where the ship is sinking. I did feel the horror he had when this whole event was taking place. Everybody is panicking, Pi doesn't find his family and get's on a lifeboat with uncertainty.

Now about that lifeboat, he describes it. Where he's sitting and were the other animals are sitting. Because yes, there are animals aboard, it kind of made me think about the ark of Noah but then a little bit more realistic. I found it very hard to understand how this lifeboat was build. English isn't my native language so that might explain why I didn't understand what a tarpaulin was. I guess not to everybody this story might be hard, but it was for me. 

After the shipwreck, I started to appreciate this book. I don't want to go into the details a lot because that'd spoil a lot. Let's just say that I really liked seeing how on such a young age, he managed to survive. What he did during those 227 days was kind of impressing! 

But I was very confused when the name 'Richard Parker' was said. I didn't understand it at all. Who was it? Why didn't he say something? Later we get to know that actually, it's a tiger. I was very dumbfounded but also a little excited. Excited because I like tigers so this made things look a little brighter. I was waiting on the tiger for a long time because I knew there'd be a tiger aboard. I only wouldn't have named him Richard Parker because that sounds very humanly. 

I also was really fond of the relationship, maybe even a friendship that's come out of this tragedy. Pi was all alone on the boat only with animals, only with Richard Parker. Richard Parker was also alone, in a total different environment. I think both got at least a little attached to each other and I found that really beautiful. 

For me this book also had a moral. Since Pi really believed in God, he talks about that a lot. He really believes that this is his only way to survive. Only if you believe in something, you'll find a way out. It doesn't have to be finding land on a boat. The lesson this book gave me can be tested on a lot of things. 

My teacher asked us the question if we'd like the book better without animals or with animals. If it would've been with other human beings on the boat? I would've had the same reactions as I did now, I think. I do guess that it'd be very interesting to see how people behave when they're on a small boat, trying to survive. 

But this story was with animals... Although many may think such things aren't possible, Pi made it seem possible. He was so convincing that I really can believe in the story and I wonder if that was the purpose of this book. To make you believe. If it was, it did make me believe in most of the story. 

Do I recommend the book? For me it'd be kind of a yes but also a no. I still don't know how I should feel about it. And because it gave me a lot of confusion, I gave it a 3.5 out of 5. It was something very extraordinary, I have to admit and yes some parts were written very beautifully. But it doesn't make it all good for when I was confused. I don't know if the film is better than the book, I haven't seen the film. If you have seen the film and read the book, which one did you appreciate more?

“It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards, even unto our names.”

World After

A month ago, I read a the first book in this series. It was recommended to me by a friend, Fien and I enjoyed reading Angelfall so much, I bought the whole trilogy. This review is about the second book in this series: World After by Susan EE. I may have had a difficult time to get into it again but what happened in the book, and the many feels it gave me made all up for that!

The apocalypse continues with the angels rooming around and terrorizing the world. People are frightened, try to find a safe spot and survive. It's the same for Penryn and her family, she tries to keep her sick mother and sister in safety. One night changes everything and her sister is taken away, her mother disappears from time to time. Penryn's worst nightmare comes true: her family is being taken away from her. As an older sister, Penryn decides to go look for Paige and bring her into safety again. During her search party for her sister, Penryn discovers more of the cruelties that happen during this apocalypse. She even discovers the hard truth about what's happening to her sister. The only remaining question is if she'll find her on time and can change the outcome. Together with many allies she steps in the war that's raging, hoping she'll stay alive long enough to find Paige.

This book was a whole different level and I even liked it more than the first book. We start with another environment. Things have changed ever since the last book. We're no longer in the World Before, we're in the World After. In the world after there are changes, it's been terrorized and there is mass destruction. I kind of liked that scenery even more! It really gives you how it looks when a war is going on. Full destruction and almost no places to hide. 

What I loved most in this book is that Penryn, the main character, describes and compares how the World Before was and how it looks now, after the attack of the Angels. For me, it gave a better view on how it all looked and now looks which made it easier to visualize. I do have to say that I kind of missed the big bad Angels rooming around in the first part of the book. 

As for Penryn, she's still the strong girl as I described her in the review of Angelfall. I'm still very fond of her, she still impresses me. Even with her sister gone and her mother disappearing from time to time, she still manages to survive. She doesn't stop and cry, no she's as hard as steal and will go to the end of the world to get her family back together. I have so much respect for that, I know it's just a character but still! I did find some changes in her behavior. She something thinks things but she doesn't want to admit to those thoughts. To avoid admitting to them she says funny things to hide her true feelings. And what she says really made me laugh out loud, I laughed more in this book than I did in Angelfall which is something positive. 

But I do have to say that I think she's not as hard as she seems. The author slips it in the conversation from time to time that she just avoids thinking about what's happening, she only tries to focus. I wonder if some time in the next and last book, she'd break down. I wouldn't see that as something bad. I mean, it's a hard time in that world, she looses her family, I think it's normal that she doesn't behave all that hard all the time as she did here. So I'm very curious to were her character will lead in the next book! 

Especially because Penryn discovers so much about what's happening to her sister when she was taken away. It really frightens you and makes you feel with as well Penryn as with Page. This book won't let you unmoved.

As for her mother, I loved it that we saw her more in the second book. She's sometimes a crazy women but I really appreciate that about her. Somewhere mid the story she even does something that I really didn't expected from her. Actually there are a lot of things that surprised me about her character. She really gives another perspective and other feels to the story which I really appreciated in this book.

The plot was amazing as well as thrilling and it really keeps you turning those pages. I loved this book even more than the first one. I do want to say more but I don't want to spoil anything, I can only say that I had many feels as frustrations to a certain part. It's all positive though! And the ending was even better than in the first book. More thrilling, more of everything really! I can't wait to start the third and last book in this series which is called 'End of Days'. So yes, I do recommend this series to everyone! 

"Even the end of the world can't keep us from wanting to belong."

If I stay

This is the book I need to read for my school project. This is the book that I have to compare with the movie. This is: If I stay by Gayle Forman. I saw the film before I read the book and what I remember from the film is that it was very emotional and really captured every moment of the 'maybe end'. I really liked the movie so much! And it only gave me high expectations for the book.


Mia has a good life. She has a family that loves her and accepts her for who she is. She has a best friend that's always there for her and a boyfriend that supports her choices. She has her cello and her passion for music. That passion gives her many choices in life, choices she doesn't always know how to face. The biggest choice of them all? Stay true to her first love, music, even if it means losing her boyfriend and leaving her family and friends behind?
But all those choices are wiped away on a cold February morning and everything changes. Mia is only left behind with one choice. One that she never thought she'd have to face. One that's the hardest of all the choices she has had in her life. And it's the only one that matters.

Did the book meet my expectations? Not entirely. It might be because I'm reading the book for school and that I read too deep in it. It might be because the movie just left me speechless and nothing can add up to it. I don't know which factor has influenced my view on the book, but I just thought it was okay. 

The book shows, as always, a lot more of what's going on around the main character. If I stay uses a lot of flashbacks and that was something that I could appreciate. You only saw a little moment of Mia's present life so I was happy that her world around her started to build with every flashback I read. 

Did I like Mia? She was okay. I think that in the book she was a little bit more innocent in a way that she'd never fully enjoyed other things than music. That's how I really experienced it. She'd also always feel like an outsider to things. Feel like she didn't belong. In the beginning I liked to see her thoughts about it and see her deliberate what's right and wrong but towards the ending, I felt like it was an aspect that came a little too much at the surface of the book. And that made it for me a little bit less appealing. 

The movie showed a lot more of emotional aspects too. Every family member that was important and that we knew things about from the flashbacks came to her, talked to her, made her make her choice. In the book there are a lot of family members, I was happy about that. It shows that she has a lot of family that accepts her and supports her and even though she thinks she doesn't belong, she does. I do wished that some family members were explained, who they were, in what way they were important to her. I missed that in the book.

I did love all the parts where Adam, her boyfriend, came in. Although in the movie I felt like he had more emotions that he showed, this book held back his emotions. I think in the book he was a more closed person than in the movie, but there's nothing wrong with that. They're very opposite of each other. Adam is punk, Mia is classic and I was fond that their difference was showed but nevertheless they still supported each other. So I was very eager to the parts with Adam.

As for her best friend, Kim, I liked Kim more in the movie. Here she was kind of the same as Adam, she held things back. When Mia described Kim, I could really visualize how she looked but it also made me feel like she was very introvert. In the movie she's a little more open which in my opinion was better. But I am of the opinion that we knew Kim better than in the movie, which is something good for me. We knew her religion, we knew her relationship with her mother, more about her hobbies. So it was nice to get to know her for 'real'. 

Even though Mia used the flashbacks and the people around her to make her choice, the book didn't make me feel as much as the movie did. I really thought it'd bring up so many feels but it actually didn't which I found very disappointing. But as I said it might be because I saw the movie first, it might be because I read the book for school. I tend to dislike more books or think they're just 'okay' when it's for school. That's why I rely more on the comparison with the movie in this review. I gave it a 3.5 stars on Goodreads but I don't know if I'll really recommend it. I also won't read the second part in this series. 

“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.” 

To All the Boys I've Loved Before

In a past review I said I was going to review To All the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han, and I guess it's time to do that now! I've got the book for my birthday and had my eyes on it very long. I didn't get into it very fast. It then lingered some time on my bookshelf before I started reading it again. I must say that I did find it hard to get into but if you hang on, it'll only get better!

This book is about Lara Jean, she has two sisters and a wonderful dad. Her one sister is like her icon, she looks up to her as if she's the statue of liberty. As if she'll learn you how to be a proper and good women. Lara Jean has a good life until the struggle comes. Her sister has to leave for college and she's the one that needs to take care of the family now. That's a lot of pressure for her, but the weight only adds up when her love letters are send out. 
Lara Jean is a girl that never admitted to her crushes. Her letters are for when she doesn't want to be in love anymore. It's some sort of goodbye to her. If love is like a possession, maybe my letters are like my exorcism. My letters set me free. She keeps the letters hidden in a box she got from her mother. Though waking up and finding out that all her letters are out in the open and send to all her past crushes, isn't such a good thing for her. Especially when a letter is sent to someone very special to her. 

As I already said, this book was very hard for me to get into. Mainly because in the beginning I didn't feel really connected with the main character, Lara Jean. But also because of her older sister that's her icon. 

To be very blunt and fair, I hated Margot. I felt like she was such a bossy type and that she always looked down on her other sisters but mainly on Lara Jean. I was kind of glad that she was sent away to her college, very far away. I understand that she felt like she had to take care of her family, as the eldest but also because there's no mom. I get why she does it but I don't get why she looks so down onto Lara Jean. Especially, later in the book when certain things happen. It was not Lara Jean her fault but her own. So yeah, I didn't like Margot at all and she bothered me ever since the first time we met her in the book.

Her other sister is really funny though. She's the youngest among them and wants to be a grown-up. You can see that she's trying really hard. When Margot was still around she wanted to make decisions too, together with her older sisters. When Margot is gone she's treated more responsible and can participate more. Kitty also wants a puppy really badly which makes her funny at times because she tries very subtle to change her father's opinion on having a dog. Sometimes she fails at being subtle and you really laugh at it. So I did love Lara Jean's other sister!

As for Lara Jean, she had me focusing. At some times I wouldn't agree with her or feel differently about her but for most of the time I did understand what she was doing. In the beginning of the story I wasn't really feeling a connection but later on I did. I also think she's really responsible and tries to be her best self when she has to take care of the family, of Kitty. So afterward I really appreciated her. 

The neighbor, aka the oldest sister's boyfriend, is also a character that I was fond of. He seemed very funny and cared. Josh has been around the sisters ever since he moved next to them. Of course things happen with Margot moving away, they change and then we get to see less of Josh. I wished he didn't go away though. I felt like he was a part of that family and then letters are being send out and Lara Jean starts taking distance from all the boys she knows. God, I wish Josh kept close! I really liked his personality! I might also wanted to ship him and Lara Jean, instead of Margot. Is that wrong of me? ;)

Of course we get to see more boys through this book and I wasn't really fond of one particular in the beginning. But let's just say that he started to grow on me too and I couldn't decide which team I was on. Team Neighbor or Team Boy you'll get to know through the story?! When I eventually guessed I made up my mind, the book ended. I didn't expect that ending at all. I was shocked, I was surprised and I couldn't understand it! Which is a good sign!

The plot was also very surprising and intriguing. As I said, in the beginning I wasn't really fond of the story and put it aside but I'm glad I didn't decide to just put it aside forever. I liked the story because for me it was very refreshing. I hadn't read any book that had a story like this. Of course I suspected love would be around but not the kind like this. I mean, this love made sure that there was drama all over the place. And that all because of some letters, who would've guessed that'd ever happen? The drama caused a very original plan to solve it all which I was excited about.

I might not have enjoyed Margot's presence, I might not have enjoyed the beginning at all. But I only can say that you need to push through it and hold on because it gets better! Of course it can be that you don't have any difficulties with anything I said, all the better. 

After I was confused by the ending, I thought it was really the ending but I only just found out that there's a second book to this and let's say I need to get my hands on it. I need to know a real ending, not the surprised one I got because as you know I'm a sucker for real endings. Because what if my imagination is too far fetched? I just can't wait to get more adventure out of Lara Jean. So I do recommend this book


because it had an original and refreshing plot, it has romance and drama, it's in some sort also adventurous in my opinion. If you read this book what was your opinion on it?

“I don’t have to be so afraid of good-bye, because good-bye doesn’t have to be forever.” 

My Heart and Other Black Holes

On Christmas Eve, I finally started My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. I received the book 2 weeks ago when I finished my exams. I had to put him on hold because I was reading in another book I wanted to finish first. On Goodreads there are mostly good things written about it which made sure the expectation started to grow with each review I read. This book met all of those expectations... It was even better than what I imagined or dared to dream. It's also why I'll be writing a non-spoiler review and a spoiler review. It's written so well and stunning, emotional even. And for once I really want to spill the beans so that's why there is a spoiler review for the ones that already read the book. If you DIDN'T read the book, please DON'T spoil it for yourself! You'll regret it. Do me this favor, if you haven't read the book, only read the non-spoiler review and go pick up that book. As for the ones that did read the book, you don't need to read the non-spoiler review because I'll say everything that's in there, also in the spoiler review. 
Merry (1 day late) Christmas to you all!

Aysel loves physics. She loves to know things about it, she'd love to know how it'll explain what happens to energy when someone dies. More specifically, when she dies. Ever since the crime her father committed, her mother can't look at her without being reminded and everybody on school is talking about it. Everybody simply keeps reminding her what happened, what her father did.

It only makes her question her life and if she doesn't cause any problems to her mother. If she isn't a danger, like her father. Is it growing inside of her? Will she become the same monster? She wants to spare everybody on earth and to make that happen she needs to die. 
She can't do it on her own, she's scared she'll back out when it'll happen so she goes on a site where she finds a suicide partner: FrozenRobot aka Roman. The boy has faced his own problem and is drowning in guilt. Also he thinks he needs to die. Both teenagers are in their own depression, both teenagers decide to do it together, they'll get each other to an end. The End. 

You'd think from what you read that this is going to be some hard, dark stuff to read but actually it isn't that hard as you think. It's very light written en really captures every part of the thoughts that might go through a teen's head when he or she is suicidal. 

Both main characters want to die and find each other on a site. This story was written so beautifully and stunning it was hard to stop reading. Especially because the two characters each have their own problem that makes them suicidal. I had a lot of questions because the 'why' isn't fully explained until further in the book. I was fond of the mystery around the sad characters, they kept their family in the dark but also the reader.

Aysel's reason will be explained very late in the book. Of course you get aspects and clues to why she wants to die but what happened to make her think this way stays a mystery for later in the book. I was really fond of this character because of the way she was. You'd think she'd be sad all the time, boring and dreadful but it wasn't like that. She'd say stupid jokes and ask stupid questions that did give you a smile on your face, she'd see things a little bit brighter and that's why I really liked her. Naturally she'll have moments in the book where she's really sad and doesn't understand the universe. 

She's also a physics geek and whenever she gets the chance to daydream a little, she'll use science questions to keep her busy. As for her family, they try. She doesn't experience it but during the book some characters really make an effort and tell her that they really are trying but that she's just too blind to see. 

As for Roman's family, they're really nice. His mother is very happy but also very protective. She wants to make everybody feel as if they're at home. He's a little bothered about it some times and so is Aysel. Roman is a character that in the beginning made me have a lot of questions. When the characters meet, he seems very handsome, he has friends that walk around him. He seems to have a good life. I guess that's what the author was trying to make us see, that in reality the person just let's you see what you want to see but deep down is actually all broken. 

What I was really fond of in this story is their connections. In the beginning they're each very distant, they get mad or irritated. But later in the book they get closer and I really liked that in this story. That if it's going to be the end, you don't need to be alone. You can try and find someone. I really loved the way their relationship grew into a friendship while each of them needs to face their own inner demons. One of the characters eventually does face them because of the other's unspoken words.

The author also left a note at the end of the book:
"To me, My Heart and Other Black Holes has always been a story about the people who understand you, all of you, even the scariest and weirdest parts of you. It's about those people who come into your life when you least expect it, in the strangest of ways, and change everything--it is about the importance of letting those people in, of opening up to them. It is about the people in your life who help you to see yourself differently and the true power of human connection."


This part of the author's note was something that I found in the story too. She illustrated it beautifully in the book and when you read the author's note, you know exactly what she's talking about and see the moment back in front of you. I also thought you could easily imagine the story since it's a topic that's very accurate in this generation.

This book was well written, was fluent and very emotional but also very realistic. My expectations have all been met and then it was still better than what I could've ever imagined. I recommend this book not only because of how moving it is but also because it's a problem very nowadays and it gives you perspective on it, in some way. Did you read any other books by Jasmine Wanga that you'd recommend? Leave a comment or message me!

“I will be stronger than my sadness.” 

Aysel loves physics. She loves to know things about it, she'd love to know how it'll explain what happens to energy when someone dies. More specifically, when she dies. Ever since the crime her father committed, her mother can't look at her without being reminded and everybody on school is talking about it. Everybody simply keeps reminding her what happened, what her father did.
It only makes her question her life and if she doesn't cause any problems to her mother. If she isn't a danger, like her father. Is it growing inside of her? Will she become the same monster? She wants to spare everybody on earth and to make that happen she needs to die. 
She can't do it on her own, she's scared she'll back out when it'll happen so she goes on a site where she finds a suicide partner: FrozenRobot aka Roman. The boy has faced his own problem and is drowning in guilt. Also he thinks he needs to die.  Both teenagers are in their own depression, both teenagers decide to do it together, they'll get each other to an end. The End. 

You'd think from what you read that this is going to be some hard, dark stuff to read but actually it isn't that hard as you think. It's very light written en really captures every part of the thoughts that might go through a teen's head when he or she is suicidal. 

Both main characters want to die and find each other on a site. This story was written so beautifully and stunning it was hard to stop reading. Especially because the two characters each have their own problem that makes them suicidal. I had a lot of questions because the 'why' isn't fully explained until further in the book. For example, Aysel's father did something really bad because he's in prison right? But I just kept asking myself why that'd be something to kill herself for. What did he do? How did he do it? And how affected her that? Of course later on we get to know that her father was acting strange and then murdered someone. She just felt like she'd become something like him, a monster and do monstrous things. I was fond of the mystery around the sad characters with their own reasons, they kept their family in the dark but also the reader.

I was really fond of Aysel because of the way she was. You'd think she'd be sad all the time, boring and dreadful but it wasn't like that. She'd say stupid jokes and ask stupid questions that did give you a smile on your face, she'd see things a little bit brighter and that's why I really liked her. Naturally she'll have moments in the book where she's really sad and doesn't understand the universe. Then she starts talking about something black inside of her that takes away every feeling she has and when she said those things, it was explained so well that you were moved by it. I wished she didn't have to feel this way.

She's also a physics geek and whenever she gets the chance to daydream a little, she'll use science questions to keep her busy. As for her family, they try. She doesn't experience it but during the book some characters really make an effort and tell her that they really are trying but that she's just too blind to see. At the end she also confronted her mother, she wanted to see her dad. Aysel shared a part of her that she never wanted to say out loud and all because of Roman. That guy, I knew it from the start, was the one that'd keep her from doing the stupidest thing of her life.

As for Roman's family, they're really nice. His mother is very happy but also very protective. She wants to make everybody feel as if they're at home. He's a little bothered about it some times and so is Aysel. Roman is a character that in the beginning made me have a lot of questions. When the characters meet, he seems very handsome, he has friends that walk around him. He seems to have a good life. I guess that's what the author was trying to make us see, that in reality the person just let's you see what you want to see but deep down is actually all broken. And he is all broken, he feels guilty for what happened to his sister and is so determined to die and leave this earth because he doesn't deserve more. My heart ached for him! So many feelings and thoughts were in my mind and I wished he just didn't think like that! 

What I was really fond of in this story is their connections. In the beginning they're each very distant, they get mad or irritated. But later in the book they get closer and I really liked that in this story. That if it's going to be the end, you don't need to be alone. You can try and find someone. I really loved the way their relationship grew into a friendship while each of them needs to face their own inner demons. Aysel eventually does face them because of the Roman's unspoken words. Love saved them both! I mean those moments where Roman reached out for Aysel, they were fantastic! I was so happy in that moment and was so eager to see more of it. And the moment where they were camping, that whole part... it made me smile so much! It was fantastic and I loved their connection! 

The ending was the most moving in my point of view. I knew things were going to change, I knew one of them would flake out. But then I also knew that Roman knew and now he'd do something stupid on his own. I remember seeing the date about the chapter "Thursday, April 4" and I knew it, that's the day he'd do something stupid. 

I was surprised that he used a car though, but my heart was racing very hard when she was trying to find him. I just kept praying he wouldn't die and that this book wasn't going to end with someone dying. The ending... you'd think the ending would've been really their end. It wasn't, thank God!

The author also left a note at the end of the book:
"To me, My Heart and Other Black Holes has always been a story about the people who understand you, all of you, even the scariest and weirdest parts of you. It's about those people who come into your life when you least expect it, in the strangest of ways, and change everything--it is about the importance of letting those people in, of opening up to them. It is about the people in your life who help you to see yourself differently and the true power of human connection."



This part of the author's note was something that I find in the story too. She illustrated it beautifully in the book and when you read the author's note, you know exactly what she's talking about and see the moment back. They understand each others sadness. 
Roman is the one that changes everything for Aysel because of his drawing. And can I say that that was absolutely cute? She let him in and she saw that it could be different. That they could fix each other and you could really feel that with each page you turned, they were fixing each other.

I found it very moving and was very pleased by that! I also thought you could easily imagine the story since it's a topic that's very accurate in this generation.

This book was well written, was fluent and very emotional but also very realistic. My expectations have all been met and then it was still better than what I could've ever imagined. I recommend this book not only because of how moving it is but also because it's a problem very nowadays and it gives you perspective on it, in some way. Did you read any other books by Jasmine Wanga that you'd recommend? Leave a comment or message me!

“I will be stronger than my sadness.”