Something I'm absolutely thrilled about is that I took a book that wasn't YA-themed at all! This book has been on a special place in my heart ever since I came across it and also was very hard to find! However I did just finish it and I have to say... I'm in love! My ever first poem book: Love & Space dust by David Jones!
"And in the end we are nothing more than love and space dust." Timeless poetry of feeling and emotion, Love & Space Dust carries readers on a journey through love, life and relationships, and then far beyond, into the stars and the far flung galaxies, where all that remains of the feelings we once felt and the lives we once lived is love and space dust.
Even though this is something I can't talk about a lot, I still wanted to post a little review on it because it's really something I feel needs to be read more! In my opinion it's a little bit underrated while it should be read by a lot more people. Especially because it has all these different facets and view on the themes!
As I already announced it's a poem book, and it's also my first ever poem book! The first time I came across poems from this book was on Tumblr. I remember hearting this post with a lot of quotes from it and reading that it was from that book. It wasn't until now, a few years later, that I really felt the need to read this book and all it's hidden secrets written in words and so my journey began...
Because finding this book was not an easy thing!
Eventually I found the book on Amazon, but we can't buy on Amazon so it was a whole disappointment! Until I found a loophole! It made sure I could buy this book and another book that was only available on Amazon! Using giftcards I bought online I eventually got the books in my mailbox!
Love & Space dust was the book I started reading the same night it arrived. I wanted to take it very slow as this is my first poem book and I just wanted to be sure that I understood and really felt each and every word that was written in it.
And dammit I loved this book! It might seem like a very thin book, but there are so many quotes in it and each word meant something for me and it was a pleasure to try and figure out what the author meant by them. As the synopsis on Goodreads says the poems are each so differently from each other and have a big variety in theme: love, life, relationship, and far beyond about galaxies and stars! Above that each of these themes are being talked about in different perspectives which makes some of them more relatable than others but still... relatable or not each of them is just beautifully written and really touched my soul!
I really recommend this book if you're looking for a read that touches your heart with only a number of words. I also recommend it just because it's so beautiful yet so underrated so if you ever come across from it: pick it up! And see for yourself if you'd enjoy it just as much as I did! David Jones brings a lot of quotes that are each so different and look at a theme in a different perspective which makes sure that there will be a lot of quotes that you can relate to so much! My first poem book was a huge success! I'm already looking forward to reading others in the future and discover the meaning behind the author's words and feeling it right in my heart!
"We are nothing but // Space dust // Trying to find // Its way back to // The stars."
It took me two months to finish this book and no it was not the book's fault. School has been really asking a lot of attention as I had my internship and then got into my exams so I haven't had a lot of time to read... That's why it also took me two months to finish this one. It's a real pity because this book actually is a page turner full of amazing facets of our lives. I have to say it: Jennifer L. Armentrout, you did it once again! The Problem with Forever by Jennifer L. Armentrout.
Mallory is not a big talker, she never has been. From an early age she learned to be silent and not be heard. That's until she's adopted and out of the hellhole she used to be in. Now ready to take a new step on her path, Mallory goes to a public school where she re-encounters someone from the past.
From that moment on Mallory wants to fight harder against getting past her past and doesn't want to be stuck with her demons. The person who changed her life is with her once again making her feel strong. And this time around, Mallory hopes he'll stay forever. But sometimes forever is a lie...
This is my first book by Jennifer L. Armentrout that doesn't have any mythical creatures! I know, I'm shocked as well but for some reason I was just really intrigued and before you know it you have the book... it goes as fast as that. Also I was a bit scared that my expectations I had by Jennifer L. Armentrout wouldn't be fulfilled as this is something totally different from what I'm used to but damn... I'm still in love with her books!
Especially because of the main character Mallory. I'm a sucker for books that have people in them that have a hard time or had a hard past. Mallory is one of those characters which made it very easy for me to get into the book and absolutely fall in love with the character.
Mallory is a very strong character in that way that she comes off very insecure and silent, because she doesn't know any better. Still when it comes to it can really stand up for herself. She's really learned from her past, even though she's still struggling with it and you really see her grow and become the woman she's always destined to be. I absolutely loved to see that happen with this character because you really were there to witness it and to see her grow into a very confident woman.
And it isn't all solved in this book. Mallory has had such a hard past and has been struggling so much with it, I'd find it really weird if it was solved immediately. Jennifer L. Armentrout therefore makes a really good vision of how the past can influence you and how much work it needs to be solved. The growth we see in Mallory is outstanding but she's still very realistic when it comes to her past and her being in it. She's still a work in process and I'm glad that the author made us realize that and stayed so close to that as I feel like that's a realistic thing. Nothing is solved in a few weeks. I really appreciated that as well.
In general Mallory really is a gentle character who is really open for everyone around her and is prepared to give everyone chances. She's also a very loving and grateful person which made it very easy to relate to and also very pleasant to read. I really don't have any bad things to say to this character. She's realistic, she's well written and she's intriguing, what else do you need?
And then there's Rider. A boy I bet all girls are swooning for. A boy with a big heart. A boy who is just as lost as Mallory. I dammit loved him! He seems like the typical high school boy, very cool and attractive but when we look closer to him he has so many qualities that make him stand out. As always Jennifer L. Armentrout knows how to bring us a character that's still very unique and yet very relatable.
What was really noticeable with Rider was very selfless. He was always wondering how others were, always noticing things from others and always there with a good piece of advice for others. In the beginning Rider stays a big question mark for us, we barely knew him and how he was handling his life. That also made sure that we really stayed curious to this character as we saw a lot of positive traits developing and see how much he cares about others.
Of course this selflessness and insecurities (which yes he has!) will make sure that he forgets about himself and that's when the reader finally notices the little things that are Rider his imperfections. His selflessness will eventually eat away at himself because he doesn't take care of himself. When we finally notice what's going on with Rider, so do the other characters and they will finally make him realize what's important and that's also the trigger for Rider. From that moment on we see him grow and become a little more self-conscious. It's truly a beautiful thing to see happening and of course will lead to a lot of things...
As for the plot this was a typical story yet still so special. A boy, a girl, they meet and they get along what more do we need? This story alone would be swoon worthy but of course our dear author made sure a lot of other interesting plots will happen.
My first opinion about this story is that it was very realistic. Looking at all other books I read by Jennifer L. Armentrout, which is logical I mean the books only had aliens and gods! However this story just really shows a development of teenage lives and the struggles that come along. A bit of drama, a bit of love and a bit of danger!
Of course the drama and love will be things were all of us can relate. We all know the mixed feelings and the feelings of love and the author does a very great job with portraying those for us in a normal teenage and school context. What I also really loved about this book was the fact that there is adoption in it and how that plays out with the characters. Reading how that has developed and how much impact it really had on them, especially because of the hard past that's going to be a big influence on the relationship, made this even more interesting.
As for the danger well, this book puts a light onto the fact that some kids get caught in risky business and how that can influence themselves but also the ones around them. This really lead us to the author making this a big deal in the plot and also giving us a very big surprise near the end which sets also something in motion for Rider! I love how all of this was first something separate but at the end started to click together to form a big story that's setting in motion different things. It really made it coherent. And of course this danger also gave a lot more feels and a lot more thrill to the typical lover story. And so the author gives us, once again, an amazing story from beginning to end!
Another thing and last thing I'd like to remark is that I really loved the vibe of trial and error in this book. Since our main character is starting over with a new family and has had a very tough past where silence was her only weapon, Mallory wants to try and be better and do better. This will lead to a lot of awkward situations but also a lot of situation that we'll feel so proud on. She's really trying it out and if it doesn't work, she tries again. Just as all of us are doing in life, Mallory keeps doing it better every time and I really loved to see that in this story and come back in a lot of situations.
Absolutely waw. And Jennifer L. Armentrout does it once again! This is the first time I've read one of her books that don't contain any mythical characters, but real characters that go through life. And what a life they have. I was absolutely intrigued by every character in this story as it shows so many realities at once that are all unique and influenced by one another. I absolutely loved to be in the head of our main character Mallory as she's trying to figure out what her forever is and what the past means to her. This book is absolutely amazing and yes, contains cuteness all over the place. But the most important thing is the lesson that Jennifer L. Armentrout wrote down for us. I wish this book could go on Forever but this book doesn't last Forever... I'm happy with it though. It's a real page turner with every facet of our lives. Once again, a great book by one of my favorite authors!
“Forever was something we all took for granted, but the problem with forever was that it really didn't exist.”
Finally, I got around to a book that's been on my book pile for a very long, long time. To be honest, it seemed like great book but somehow I got a bit scared that it would disappoint me! But... what a surprise! So without further ado, let's talk about When We Collided by Emery Lord. Also the cover is marvelous!
Jonah Daniels has been having a hard couple of months. His mother doesn't show herself too much and stays in her own room. That leaves him and his older siblings to take care of everything: the household, the money, the other kids,... But those rough months finally seem to ease up and become a bit brighter when Jonah meets Vivian Alexander. Vivi is on a holiday in Verona Cove, trying to escape all that has happened in the past. When these two collide, both finally notice what has been missing in their lives.
The first character I really want to discuss is Vivi! This book is written with two POV's, therefore it already captured my heart since chapter one (also the head banners per chapter are to die for), and Vivi got the first chapter. The things I noticed really fast about her is her eccentric behavior. She's really active and also full of life, which in my case is something I haven't seen in a main character before. Vivi also really relies on social contact and she's also very playful which makes her sometimes feel younger than she is in my opinion, but I still really love this trait in her. Although I like Vivi's impulsiveness and confident attitude, sometimes I felt like it was a bit too much and that's really a pity because she's such a great character!
From the beginning it's also really clear that something is going on with her, we don't know what until later on in the story. It was really nice to feel that buildup for us, readers, knowing what's going on with her. Her personality loves mystery but she feels like a mystery herself that has a very bright side to her. It was really amazing to discover this character from page one until the last page.
Jonah is the other main character we'll follow. He used to be a family of 8: the mom, the dad, Jonah, Leah, Bekah, Naomi, Isaac and Silas, and really can I just point out that Bekah and Silas are very original names? I've never heard them before! Our character, Jonah, is having a tough life. The 3 oldest, Jonah, Naomi and Silas are making up for the fact that their parents are not there and take care of the rest of the family. Their mom is in her bedroom almost all the time and their dad, well he's not there anymore. It's really easy to see how much Jonah cares about his family and his mother even though she's not there, I really like to see that in this character. Above that I really feel like Jonah grew up a lot faster than he was supposed to which makes him a very realistic and mature character.
His personality isn't just caring, it's also very gentle and sweet. He's the kind of guy you want to be your boyfriend. Or well, that's my opinion! I guess I just got myself yet another book boyfriend... I could easily go with this character because of his personality. I kind of have a soft spot for him! He puts everyone first and him last which really shows how much of a golden heart this one has.
When these two collide it's funny, their first encounter they're trying to mend together. I mean we have Jonah who's all serious and family supporter and Vivi who's all playful and active. And because Vivi is so active and playful, she easily finds her way with Jonah, while Jonah is a bit dumbstruck and uncomfortable while he actually really wants to talk to her. It's really adorable to see there personalities collide and trying to mend together. I really liked to see them balance each other out, Vivi trying to make Jonah more playful, less mature like he should be at this age and Jonah bringing some seriousness and steadiness in her life.
When two people collide, not only positive things come out of it. The two will have a rough road during the story and that was something I personally really enjoyed (even though sometimes it was SO frustrating!). Especially because both will bring in factors that influence the rough road: Jonah has a lot to deal with but we also know something is going on with Vivi. These things all come together and bring them both happiness and other feelings. It's also because of a collision that both finally realize what they both should be doing in their lives and what was missing.
The plot therefore will really balance both characters out as both of them will have major influence on the other. Through the many chapters, both readers and characters discover what life for each of them is about. Some need to mend things, others need to open their eyes, sometimes they need to ask for help and other times they should try to do it themselves. This book is really filled with so many life lessons but it's not laid on the story too thickly it's more subtle than I had expected.
Above that the feelings will be everywhere in this book, it's what you get when two characters collide and don't know what to do with themselves. When We Collided has so much happy moments but those also get broken and replaced by sad moments or embarrassing moments or frustrating ones,... It's really a great thing that there's so much variety in the book.
And when we finally realize what is going on and our hearts have beaten together and broken together and laughed together, we all finally realize what this book really is about. It's such a surprise while reading because the characters will surprise us so much but also realize what life really is about.
This book is absolutely amazing, I had my doubts when I started but all of those are gone! The characters are uniquely written. And although I sometimes thought Vivi was a bit too much, she really made up for it in the end. I was really into the story because of the characters but also because of the many feelings and life lessons that were buried inside the story. When you finally think you understand what's happening, you find out you were wrong all along but that this book holds an amazing, feels-loaded message for everyone who wants to see. A splendid read that's an absolute recommendation!
"But there are always consequences when worlds collide..."
A month ago, I read a the first book in this series. It was recommended to me by a friend, Fien and I enjoyed reading Angelfall so much, I bought the whole trilogy. This review is about the second book in this series: World After by Susan EE. I may have had a difficult time to get into it again but what happened in the book, and the many feels it gave me made all up for that!
The apocalypse continues with the angels rooming around and terrorizing the world. People are frightened, try to find a safe spot and survive. It's the same for Penryn and her family, she tries to keep her sick mother and sister in safety. One night changes everything and her sister is taken away, her mother disappears from time to time. Penryn's worst nightmare comes true: her family is being taken away from her. As an older sister, Penryn decides to go look for Paige and bring her into safety again. During her search party for her sister, Penryn discovers more of the cruelties that happen during this apocalypse. She even discovers the hard truth about what's happening to her sister. The only remaining question is if she'll find her on time and can change the outcome. Together with many allies she steps in the war that's raging, hoping she'll stay alive long enough to find Paige.
This book was a whole different level and I even liked it more than the first book. We start with another environment. Things have changed ever since the last book. We're no longer in the World Before, we're in the World After. In the world after there are changes, it's been terrorized and there is mass destruction. I kind of liked that scenery even more! It really gives you how it looks when a war is going on. Full destruction and almost no places to hide.
What I loved most in this book is that Penryn, the main character, describes and compares how the World Before was and how it looks now, after the attack of the Angels. For me, it gave a better view on how it all looked and now looks which made it easier to visualize. I do have to say that I kind of missed the big bad Angels rooming around in the first part of the book.
As for Penryn, she's still the strong girl as I described her in the review of Angelfall. I'm still very fond of her, she still impresses me. Even with her sister gone and her mother disappearing from time to time, she still manages to survive. She doesn't stop and cry, no she's as hard as steal and will go to the end of the world to get her family back together. I have so much respect for that, I know it's just a character but still! I did find some changes in her behavior. She something thinks things but she doesn't want to admit to those thoughts. To avoid admitting to them she says funny things to hide her true feelings. And what she says really made me laugh out loud, I laughed more in this book than I did in Angelfall which is something positive.
But I do have to say that I think she's not as hard as she seems. The author slips it in the conversation from time to time that she just avoids thinking about what's happening, she only tries to focus. I wonder if some time in the next and last book, she'd break down. I wouldn't see that as something bad. I mean, it's a hard time in that world, she looses her family, I think it's normal that she doesn't behave all that hard all the time as she did here. So I'm very curious to were her character will lead in the next book!
Especially because Penryn discovers so much about what's happening to her sister when she was taken away. It really frightens you and makes you feel with as well Penryn as with Page. This book won't let you unmoved.
As for her mother, I loved it that we saw her more in the second book. She's sometimes a crazy women but I really appreciate that about her. Somewhere mid the story she even does something that I really didn't expected from her. Actually there are a lot of things that surprised me about her character. She really gives another perspective and other feels to the story which I really appreciated in this book.
The plot was amazing as well as thrilling and it really keeps you turning those pages. I loved this book even more than the first one. I do want to say more but I don't want to spoil anything, I can only say that I had many feels as frustrations to a certain part. It's all positive though! And the ending was even better than in the first book. More thrilling, more of everything really! I can't wait to start the third and last book in this series which is called 'End of Days'. So yes, I do recommend this series to everyone!
"Even the end of the world can't keep us from wanting to belong."
This is the book I need to read for my school project. This is the book that I have to compare with the movie. This is: If I stay by Gayle Forman. I saw the film before I read the book and what I remember from the film is that it was very emotional and really captured every moment of the 'maybe end'. I really liked the movie so much! And it only gave me high expectations for the book.
Mia has a good life. She has a family that loves her and accepts her for who she is. She has a best friend that's always there for her and a boyfriend that supports her choices. She has her cello and her passion for music. That passion gives her many choices in life, choices she doesn't always know how to face. The biggest choice of them all? Stay true to her first love, music, even if it means losing her boyfriend and leaving her family and friends behind?
But all those choices are wiped away on a cold February morning and everything changes. Mia is only left behind with one choice. One that she never thought she'd have to face. One that's the hardest of all the choices she has had in her life. And it's the only one that matters.
Did the book meet my expectations? Not entirely. It might be because I'm reading the book for school and that I read too deep in it. It might be because the movie just left me speechless and nothing can add up to it. I don't know which factor has influenced my view on the book, but I just thought it was okay.
The book shows, as always, a lot more of what's going on around the main character. If I stay uses a lot of flashbacks and that was something that I could appreciate. You only saw a little moment of Mia's present life so I was happy that her world around her started to build with every flashback I read.
Did I like Mia? She was okay. I think that in the book she was a little bit more innocent in a way that she'd never fully enjoyed other things than music. That's how I really experienced it. She'd also always feel like an outsider to things. Feel like she didn't belong. In the beginning I liked to see her thoughts about it and see her deliberate what's right and wrong but towards the ending, I felt like it was an aspect that came a little too much at the surface of the book. And that made it for me a little bit less appealing.
The movie showed a lot more of emotional aspects too. Every family member that was important and that we knew things about from the flashbacks came to her, talked to her, made her make her choice. In the book there are a lot of family members, I was happy about that. It shows that she has a lot of family that accepts her and supports her and even though she thinks she doesn't belong, she does. I do wished that some family members were explained, who they were, in what way they were important to her. I missed that in the book.
I did love all the parts where Adam, her boyfriend, came in. Although in the movie I felt like he had more emotions that he showed, this book held back his emotions. I think in the book he was a more closed person than in the movie, but there's nothing wrong with that. They're very opposite of each other. Adam is punk, Mia is classic and I was fond that their difference was showed but nevertheless they still supported each other. So I was very eager to the parts with Adam.
As for her best friend, Kim, I liked Kim more in the movie. Here she was kind of the same as Adam, she held things back. When Mia described Kim, I could really visualize how she looked but it also made me feel like she was very introvert. In the movie she's a little more open which in my opinion was better. But I am of the opinion that we knew Kim better than in the movie, which is something good for me. We knew her religion, we knew her relationship with her mother, more about her hobbies. So it was nice to get to know her for 'real'.
Even though Mia used the flashbacks and the people around her to make her choice, the book didn't make me feel as much as the movie did. I really thought it'd bring up so many feels but it actually didn't which I found very disappointing. But as I said it might be because I saw the movie first, it might be because I read the book for school. I tend to dislike more books or think they're just 'okay' when it's for school. That's why I rely more on the comparison with the movie in this review. I gave it a 3.5 stars on Goodreads but I don't know if I'll really recommend it. I also won't read the second part in this series.
“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.”
On Christmas Eve, I finally started My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. I received the book 2 weeks ago when I finished my exams. I had to put him on hold because I was reading in another book I wanted to finish first. On Goodreads there are mostly good things written about it which made sure the expectation started to grow with each review I read. This book met all of those expectations... It was even better than what I imagined or dared to dream. It's also why I'll be writing a non-spoiler review and a spoiler review. It's written so well and stunning, emotional even. And for once I really want to spill the beans so that's why there is a spoiler review for the ones that already read the book. If you DIDN'T read the book, please DON'T spoil it for yourself! You'll regret it. Do me this favor, if you haven't read the book, only read the non-spoiler review and go pick up that book. As for the ones that did read the book, you don't need to read the non-spoiler review because I'll say everything that's in there, also in the spoiler review.
Merry (1 day late) Christmas to you all!
Aysel loves physics. She loves to know things about it, she'd love to know how it'll explain what happens to energy when someone dies. More specifically, when she dies. Ever since the crime her father committed, her mother can't look at her without being reminded and everybody on school is talking about it. Everybody simply keeps reminding her what happened, what her father did.
It only makes her question her life and if she doesn't cause any problems to her mother. If she isn't a danger, like her father. Is it growing inside of her? Will she become the same monster? She wants to spare everybody on earth and to make that happen she needs to die.
She can't do it on her own, she's scared she'll back out when it'll happen so she goes on a site where she finds a suicide partner: FrozenRobot aka Roman. The boy has faced his own problem and is drowning in guilt. Also he thinks he needs to die. Both teenagers are in their own depression, both teenagers decide to do it together, they'll get each other to an end. The End.
You'd think from what you read that this is going to be some hard, dark stuff to read but actually it isn't that hard as you think. It's very light written en really captures every part of the thoughts that might go through a teen's head when he or she is suicidal.
Both main characters want to die and find each other on a site. This story was written so beautifully and stunning it was hard to stop reading. Especially because the two characters each have their own problem that makes them suicidal. I had a lot of questions because the 'why' isn't fully explained until further in the book. I was fond of the mystery around the sad characters, they kept their family in the dark but also the reader.
Aysel's reason will be explained very late in the book. Of course you get aspects and clues to why she wants to die but what happened to make her think this way stays a mystery for later in the book. I was really fond of this character because of the way she was. You'd think she'd be sad all the time, boring and dreadful but it wasn't like that. She'd say stupid jokes and ask stupid questions that did give you a smile on your face, she'd see things a little bit brighter and that's why I really liked her. Naturally she'll have moments in the book where she's really sad and doesn't understand the universe.
She's also a physics geek and whenever she gets the chance to daydream a little, she'll use science questions to keep her busy. As for her family, they try. She doesn't experience it but during the book some characters really make an effort and tell her that they really are trying but that she's just too blind to see.
As for Roman's family, they're really nice. His mother is very happy but also very protective. She wants to make everybody feel as if they're at home. He's a little bothered about it some times and so is Aysel. Roman is a character that in the beginning made me have a lot of questions. When the characters meet, he seems very handsome, he has friends that walk around him. He seems to have a good life. I guess that's what the author was trying to make us see, that in reality the person just let's you see what you want to see but deep down is actually all broken.
What I was really fond of in this story is their connections. In the beginning they're each very distant, they get mad or irritated. But later in the book they get closer and I really liked that in this story. That if it's going to be the end, you don't need to be alone. You can try and find someone. I really loved the way their relationship grew into a friendship while each of them needs to face their own inner demons. One of the characters eventually does face them because of the other's unspoken words.
The author also left a note at the end of the book:
"To me, My Heart and Other Black Holes has always been a story about the people who understand you, all of you, even the scariest and weirdest parts of you. It's about those people who come into your life when you least expect it, in the strangest of ways, and change everything--it is about the importance of letting those people in, of opening up to them. It is about the people in your life who help you to see yourself differently and the true power of human connection."
This part of the author's note was something that I found in the story too. She illustrated it beautifully in the book and when you read the author's note, you know exactly what she's talking about and see the moment back in front of you. I also thought you could easily imagine the story since it's a topic that's very accurate in this generation.
This book was well written, was fluent and very emotional but also very realistic. My expectations have all been met and then it was still better than what I could've ever imagined. I recommend this book not only because of how moving it is but also because it's a problem very nowadays and it gives you perspective on it, in some way. Did you read any other books by Jasmine Wanga that you'd recommend? Leave a comment or message me!
“I will be stronger than my sadness.”
Aysel loves physics. She loves to know things about it, she'd love to know how it'll explain what happens to energy when someone dies. More specifically, when she dies. Ever since the crime her father committed, her mother can't look at her without being reminded and everybody on school is talking about it. Everybody simply keeps reminding her what happened, what her father did.
It only makes her question her life and if she doesn't cause any problems to her mother. If she isn't a danger, like her father. Is it growing inside of her? Will she become the same monster? She wants to spare everybody on earth and to make that happen she needs to die.
She can't do it on her own, she's scared she'll back out when it'll happen so she goes on a site where she finds a suicide partner: FrozenRobot aka Roman. The boy has faced his own problem and is drowning in guilt. Also he thinks he needs to die. Both teenagers are in their own depression, both teenagers decide to do it together, they'll get each other to an end. The End.
You'd think from what you read that this is going to be some hard, dark stuff to read but actually it isn't that hard as you think. It's very light written en really captures every part of the thoughts that might go through a teen's head when he or she is suicidal.
Both main characters want to die and find each other on a site. This story was written so beautifully and stunning it was hard to stop reading. Especially because the two characters each have their own problem that makes them suicidal. I had a lot of questions because the 'why' isn't fully explained until further in the book. For example, Aysel's father did something really bad because he's in prison right? But I just kept asking myself why that'd be something to kill herself for. What did he do? How did he do it? And how affected her that? Of course later on we get to know that her father was acting strange and then murdered someone. She just felt like she'd become something like him, a monster and do monstrous things. I was fond of the mystery around the sad characters with their own reasons, they kept their family in the dark but also the reader.
I was really fond of Aysel because of the way she was. You'd think she'd be sad all the time, boring and dreadful but it wasn't like that. She'd say stupid jokes and ask stupid questions that did give you a smile on your face, she'd see things a little bit brighter and that's why I really liked her. Naturally she'll have moments in the book where she's really sad and doesn't understand the universe. Then she starts talking about something black inside of her that takes away every feeling she has and when she said those things, it was explained so well that you were moved by it. I wished she didn't have to feel this way.
She's also a physics geek and whenever she gets the chance to daydream a little, she'll use science questions to keep her busy. As for her family, they try. She doesn't experience it but during the book some characters really make an effort and tell her that they really are trying but that she's just too blind to see. At the end she also confronted her mother, she wanted to see her dad. Aysel shared a part of her that she never wanted to say out loud and all because of Roman. That guy, I knew it from the start, was the one that'd keep her from doing the stupidest thing of her life.
As for Roman's family, they're really nice. His mother is very happy but also very protective. She wants to make everybody feel as if they're at home. He's a little bothered about it some times and so is Aysel. Roman is a character that in the beginning made me have a lot of questions. When the characters meet, he seems very handsome, he has friends that walk around him. He seems to have a good life. I guess that's what the author was trying to make us see, that in reality the person just let's you see what you want to see but deep down is actually all broken. And he is all broken, he feels guilty for what happened to his sister and is so determined to die and leave this earth because he doesn't deserve more. My heart ached for him! So many feelings and thoughts were in my mind and I wished he just didn't think like that!
What I was really fond of in this story is their connections. In the beginning they're each very distant, they get mad or irritated. But later in the book they get closer and I really liked that in this story. That if it's going to be the end, you don't need to be alone. You can try and find someone. I really loved the way their relationship grew into a friendship while each of them needs to face their own inner demons. Aysel eventually does face them because of the Roman's unspoken words. Love saved them both! I mean those moments where Roman reached out for Aysel, they were fantastic! I was so happy in that moment and was so eager to see more of it. And the moment where they were camping, that whole part... it made me smile so much! It was fantastic and I loved their connection!
The ending was the most moving in my point of view. I knew things were going to change, I knew one of them would flake out. But then I also knew that Roman knew and now he'd do something stupid on his own. I remember seeing the date about the chapter "Thursday, April 4" and I knew it, that's the day he'd do something stupid.
I was surprised that he used a car though, but my heart was racing very hard when she was trying to find him. I just kept praying he wouldn't die and that this book wasn't going to end with someone dying. The ending... you'd think the ending would've been really their end. It wasn't, thank God!
The author also left a note at the end of the book:
"To me, My Heart and Other Black Holes has always been a story about the people who understand you, all of you, even the scariest and weirdest parts of you. It's about those people who come into your life when you least expect it, in the strangest of ways, and change everything--it is about the importance of letting those people in, of opening up to them. It is about the people in your life who help you to see yourself differently and the true power of human connection."
This part of the author's note was something that I find in the story too. She illustrated it beautifully in the book and when you read the author's note, you know exactly what she's talking about and see the moment back. They understand each others sadness.
Roman is the one that changes everything for Aysel because of his drawing. And can I say that that was absolutely cute? She let him in and she saw that it could be different. That they could fix each other and you could really feel that with each page you turned, they were fixing each other.
I found it very moving and was very pleased by that! I also thought you could easily imagine the story since it's a topic that's very accurate in this generation.
This book was well written, was fluent and very emotional but also very realistic. My expectations have all been met and then it was still better than what I could've ever imagined. I recommend this book not only because of how moving it is but also because it's a problem very nowadays and it gives you perspective on it, in some way. Did you read any other books by Jasmine Wanga that you'd recommend? Leave a comment or message me!
“I will be stronger than my sadness.”
If you're looking for a story that'll be moving and close to reality then this is your next read: Because You'll Never Meet Me, a story of an impossible friendship and hope from a brilliant new writer Leah Thomas. Ollie UpandFree and Moritz have stolen my heart!
The story is about two boys. A fourteen-year-old from Michigan and a sixteen-year-old from Germany. The two of them meet by a common friend, on the first sight you'd think so? But this isn't any ordinary friendship.
Both boys are sick, Ollie UpandFree is allergic to Electricity while Moritz needs his electric pacemaker or he'll die. Which leads to the conclusion that both will never meet in person, will never touch each other and will never use words out loud to communicate. Even if they'd meet each other, one of them would kill the other. You Could Kill Me.
The author of the book gives us a fierce bond in the making through handwritten letters. When Moritz tells him the key to their shared, disturbing past, their friendship is put to the test that neither of them expected.
I can't underline enough that this book was absolutely stunning. This friendship that evolves just by handwritten letters, no internet, it's nothing like how we make friends nowadays. Above that their diseases make sure they can never ever meet but both of them don't even care about that.
The book is build up with chapters, each chapter is a written letter by either Oliver or Moritz. And you'll know who is writing or speaking through words because the book uses a different fond for each letter. Oliver's letters are neat, simple and slim while Moritz his letters are thicker and really dark from color. I already loved it that the author chose to pick two different kinds of fond because it made things more clear and as if you actually had the letters in your hands. Reading their conversation.
Oliver or as he calls himself Ollie Ollie UpandFree lives in the woods only because of his disease. He has never seen a television show, never heard music with an Ipod. He hasn't seen anything that we nowadays do have seen and get bored of because it's nothing new. Today, we live in a fast and technical generation, we want new stuff, new updates and very fast.
This book only shows us that there are people out their who can't even witness it, who are locked up or are very sensitive to all our new technologies because of this allergy. The author might be showing a very worse case of it but does that matter? It made me, as a reader, stop and think about it for a while. Especially because he feels alone. He's out there in the woods with his mother with zero friends and only his Glockenspiel and a lot of books.
One day though, when he was younger and was challenging a power line, a girl passes him. He's immediately inspired and he wants to be with her all the time. Liz is very open, she says what she think, whenever she wants to say it. She just throws her feelings and thoughts out there. Ever since that day, Liz has come every Wednesday to see Ollie...
Until she stopped coming. Ollie describes how he feels when he's waiting at the power line for her, wishing she'd arrived on her bike as always. He tells Moritz how he feels whenever she's around and how she made him change. How their friendship was made. Unfortunately, Liz doesn't come when he's waiting for her and that only breaks Ollie's heart. It hurts him so deep he locks himself into his room, writing to Moritz and telling him why she hasn't come around anymore.
Moritz lives far away from Ollie with his own thoughts, own feelings and own big problems. In my opinion, we see him change the most in this book. He tells Oliver what he thinks about Liz even if it's very blunt.He speaks up for himself and might be a little distant in the beginning of the book. He also says no to Oliver's nickname for him: Mo. I am no Oscar Wilde and no Mo.
The thing with Moritz is that he's had a very hard past, one he's not very proud of and even scared of. And there's more then his disease, there are more secrets to tell. Throughout the book he'll reveal them and it'll surprise the reader very much. He tells them to Oliver because there are truths you can only tell a stranger but with those secrets a big test comes down onto their friendship.
Both boys suffer from each their own personal problems and the other just really listens, even when it's through letters, both boys pull each other up. Ollie UpandFree by his energy, enthusiasm and optimism while Moritz tries to use Oliver's energy to get Oliver back on his feet or even by his wisdom.
This book was so moving and emotional but stunning. Their friendship makes you want to long for something as fierce and strong as theirs. And all of that combined with the reality check you get. It really made me think about all the boys and girls that have these problems.
Their disease prevents them from meeting someone else, prevents them from getting friends. But it also prevents them from being happy, this due to the society of this generation. When their bond was created I thought it was beautiful but I was very curious to how this book could possibly end...
That's when events started happening. Things I didn't see coming at all! This books just surprises you while you're already enjoying their friendship. But it also makes you a little bit scared and gives you a thousand questions! What's going on? Where is he? What's he doing? What does he mean? What's going to go down?
It gives you that extra thrill to read even faster than you already did. Only to have more feels, more emotions at the end of the book. The ending was absolutely beautiful! I leaves room for your own imagination too and that's something I normally don't enjoy.
I'm the kind of person that wants to know how it ends, how it really ends. This book on the other hand made me happy that their was room for that. I'd love to see a flash forward of this friendship but I doubt the writer will ever write something like that, it might ruin all the magic and impact this book has on the reader.
This book deserves 5 stars out of 5. It has everything it needs to move the readers and at the same time, let them crave for more. If you want to read a book that's closer to reality, this is what you'll need. This friendship with all the human flaws is exactly you'll get.
"There are truths you can only tell a stranger."
[This review CAN contrain spoilers!]
For all the booklovers of Eleanor&Park, I introduce you: Amy&Matthew from the author Cammie M’Govern. It’s also a love story and if I’m being honest, it has the same hair-pulling-out-of-frustration reactions as in Eleanor&Park (by Rainbow Rowell). When I first saw the book in the same store as I bought Bones&All, it was love at first sight. The cover of the book is amazing and has a special feeling! Which I’m totally fan of! I just love the two hands forming a heart, as well as the girly as boyish aspect.
It’s about being different. It’s about feeling alone. It’s about finding each other. It’s about falling in love.
And who does not fall in love when you read the backside of the book, right? And wait until you read the actual story because it makes you fall harder and the only thing I got in my mind was: Will the author break my heart at the end of this story? Because then there’ll be no love left!
We start the story with going back in time, seeing how they first met and under what circumstances. What’s wrong with both of them and what makes them different from each other. Matthew for example, was fine until his parents divorced and then he felt the urge to count even objects and tap locker doors. He was afraid of money, bodies, germs, hurting people unintentionally and without realizing he does. He has so many fears and his anxiety just consumes him. I loved this character, just seeing a boy that's having a hard time. In most books it's always the girl with these problems and now the author reflects that on the boy.
Amy on her turn is totally different from Matthew, she is a disabled person. She can’t talk, that’s why she has this little machine where she types what she wants to say, and the machine speaks it out loud. She couldn't walk but learned over the years. She can’t undress and dress herself, she can’t eat like normal people and her left side isn’t her good side. Her left hand is cramped into a fist and she can’t undo it. Her body sometimes does things that she didn’t want it to do, which makes it harder for her to trust her body. From the beginning until 11th grade, she has this adults that were with her on school all the time, walking her to classes, helping her eat. She was the perfect student despite of her handicap. Wrote beautiful essays about how happy she was despite of her condition. But Matthew couldn’t believe it when he read it and in class, he spoke up in all honesty about what he thought. Something new for him since he barely spoke in class. Amy heard through other people what he has said and confronted him. He told her in her face what he thought. Which I liked because we saw a total other side of Matthew.
Because of that moment, Amy became interested in him and she now saw things differently. The teachers and adults that walked with her, her books have been the only friends she has had over the years. So she wants real friends, like Matthew. Secretly, she just wants to spend time with him so after she convinced her mother, students would be her helpers and get paid for it. She mailed Matthew himself to be her helper and he said yes to the proposal.
Throughout the book, we see Matthew struggle with his own sickness and anxiety to do something wrong. The more he spends time with Amy, the more it changes. He tells her his fears, something he’d never done before. And she was glad to listen to him, she even confronted him with his disease telling him he should get help. She starts giving him assignments such as going on a date in Taco Bell. The most disgusting place Matthew ever has been but the real challenge was: not going to the bathroom to wash his hands and eat his food out of the wrappers. They grow closer and both, especially Amy, started feeling things for each other. But as Amy’s mother planned her whole life, pressing her on collage, Amy will have to leave next fall. Above it all, Amy’s mother doesn’t like Matthew at all while Amy loves him.
Both friends struggle with themselves and with each other through the book and the only question that remains is if they’ll ever come clean to each other about how they feel. A true love story about finding each other and knowing nobody’s perfect.
Why I loved this book so much is simple: it contains everything that true life contains. Love, rows, differences, diseases: mental as well as physical, friendships that are hard to keep, friendships that are hard to start, family drama. It wasn’t some fairy tale it was something we all could imagine. The biggest part of the book we concentrate on people who are disabled and sick. And how they discover the consequences of it by themselves but also in this society. I love how Amy and Matthew grew closer but the author loved playing with my emotions and ripped them out of each other with every row they had which was so hard! Even after the terrible things that happen and Matthew starting over. Luckily Amy reaches out and things get ‘okay’ again.
What I might loved/hated about the book is the ending. I feel like it’s an open ending which makes me as well love as hate it. I know we can imagine now, let our fantasy throw a surprise but I don’t like open endings very much. Just because I don’t trust my mind with finding a good Happily Ever After. But forget the aspect of the open ending, this book was good if not excellent. It read easily which I like and has a nice style too. I loved the cover as already mentioned but also the inside of the book. I haven’t seen the style of emails or IM’s in books a lot which makes it all so much more real since nowadays we all just use email, Facebook and stuff. We don’t talk face-to-face all the time. This book shows real-life aspects and I really appreciated it in the book.
“This is the story of Amy and Matthew”
I really recommend this book if you're looking for a read that touches your heart with only a number of words. I also recommend it just because it's so beautiful yet so underrated so if you ever come across from it: pick it up! And see for yourself if you'd enjoy it just as much as I did! David Jones brings a lot of quotes that are each so different and look at a theme in a different perspective which makes sure that there will be a lot of quotes that you can relate to so much! My first poem book was a huge success! I'm already looking forward to reading others in the future and discover the meaning behind the author's words and feeling it right in my heart! 
